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Guardian journo: "I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can't open jars"

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  • Guardian journo: "I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can't open jars"

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    It was November 2016 and the only person I knew who believed Trump would win the US election was the owner of my gym. This was clearly a ridiculous prediction so, seeing the chance for some easy money, I offered to bet him $100 that Hillary would win.

    But the gym owner, clearly not wanting to do his dough, pointed at this horrible thing in the corner with the name “sled” and said: “If Trump wins you have to pull 70kg on it.”

    It was double what I could usually pull. And, if I won the bet, the gym owner would pull double his personal best.

    I didn’t want Trump to win – he’d grabbed women by the pussy and mocked a reporter’s disability. He’d promised to build a wall and called Mexicans “rapists”. The thought of his presidency was frightening but so was pulling the sled. What if I herniated a disc?

    After Trump claimed victory, I went up to the gym in a foul mood. “Just fucking load up the fucking sled, all right, and let’s get it over with,” I said without much grace as I strapped a belt around my waist.

    I pulled the sled like a human oxen while being filmed and the gym staff cheered. I did it. But the Trump victory soured my successful show of strength.

    Yeah, I could pull a pretend sled. But how was that going to help me when the world had been destroyed by nuclear weapons or climate change?

    Hungry and sore, I repaired to a restaurant down the road that I had never visited and where I had never seen anyone come or go from. The silent restaurant – no background music, no other diners – seemed like the perfect place to welcome the end of the global liberal order.

    What new political order had been born tonight?

    An elderly waiter appeared and handed me a menu. Most things on it were not available. The one dish that was was unspeakably awful and the colour and texture of cement.

    I never went back. But I also didn’t return to the gym. I associated it now with Donald Trump, the bad meal and pulling the sled.
    What the actual f—

    I don't even—

    Mark my words, articles like that are going to make Trump 2020 a no-brainer. A no-brainer, I tells ya. Wake up, you bloody whiners on the left and curb the hyperbole for your own sake.

  • #2
    I support this brave man and genuinely hope all the liberals like him continue to be as vocal as they have been.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by muck View Post



      ...that are going to make Trump 2020 a no-brainer. A no-brainer, I tells ya. .
      Like as if there is something wrong with that. Trump is greatest American leader ever! We want him another term.


      Trump 2020!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Jonathan View Post
        I support this brave man and genuinely hope all the liberals like him continue to be as vocal as they have been.
        Pretty sure Bridig Delaney is a woman. Not that it matters anymore.

        Comment


        • #5
          I feel sad. There are less insane people locked up in clinics while these lunatics just get to wander the streets.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by muck View Post

            Pretty sure Bridig Delaney is a woman. Not that it matters anymore.
            Triggered. Gender is an oppressive remnant of patriarchial western capitalist tyranny designed to subjugate our true non-binary gender fluid nature.

            Comment


            • #7
              If Trump wins you're going to gain weight!


              Eh beh putain... as we say in France. That's really the only thing you have to counter Trump? Menacing women they will put on weight if Trump wins?

              Way to make them look like materialistic and vain individuals, to think the Democrats were going full feminism and such.

              Comment


              • #8
                I don't know why people insist on pushing the ridicule even further down the line.

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                • #9
                  Remember when journalists were awesome when they went to war zones or disaster areas or remote and hellish landscapes to write their magnus opus’?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    That more or less happened to me. Can't even hold my own tallywhacker when I pee anymore. Anyone here want to help?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by budgie View Post
                      That more or less happened to me. Can't even hold my own tallywhacker when I pee anymore. Anyone here want to help?
                      Nice try Harvey.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by HisRoyalHighness View Post
                        Remember when journalists were awesome when they went to war zones or disaster areas or remote and hellish landscapes to write their magnus opus’?
                        You read too many fairytales...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          He could have threatened to move to NZ. So tone it down please.

                          The tea party split was one thing but Hillaryites global generosity fund vs Bernieites democratic socialists could generate another migration wave we don't want..

                          http://fortune.com/2018/02/02/us-mig...zealand-trump/

                          In 2017, 2,127 U.S. residents moved to New Zealand, with net migration growing 65%. The FT reports that 17,000 U.S. citizens “registered an interest in studying, working, or investing in New Zealand on its government’s immigration website” in November 2016, which was a 13-fold increase from November before.
                          That sum doesn’t include high-profile figures like U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and comedian Billy Crystal who had joked about moving to New Zealand if Trump won the presidency. But New Zealand has managed to attract some Silicon Valley elite.

                          All they do is buy a big farm to wally around on and ban me from hunting.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by primer View Post
                            He could have threatened to move to NZ. So tone it down please.

                            The tea party split was one thing but Hillaryites global generosity fund vs Bernieites democratic socialists could generate another migration wave we don't want..
                            Migration wave?

                            Like all these celebrities and triggered liberal snowflakes who threatened to move to Canada if Trump won?

                            But didn't because they were just taking shit and/or were rejected by Canada?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Who needs Zadornov when you have western press

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