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Worst stuff you've gotten away with at work?

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  • Worst stuff you've gotten away with at work?

    This came up at work this morning - what's the worst thing you've gotten away with? And I'm expecting people with military experience to win this because... well, you guys have access to explosives.

    Mine was from a work placement I did when I was at university in about 2001. I had to build portable gas analysers and then test them - I'd finished building one in the evening and all I had to do in the morning was put the batteries in and test it. That night, I got hammered and was frankly still drunk when I started work in the morning - I accidentally put the batteries in the wrong way round and it caught fire. Was only a small fire but it was ruined and that was a £2000 sale down the drain. I managed to pull the batteries out before anyone saw it and blamed it on faulty components. Nobody even questioned it.

    Edited to add - when we talked about this this morning, absolutely nobody mentioned anything regarding the company we all work for now so I suspect there are other stories but nobody wants anything getting back to HR.
    Last edited by gaz; 14-06-2018, 04:28 AM.

  • #2
    Short circuit on a Biological Safety Workbench
    I was a trainee and my supervisor tasked me to clean it well
    I cleaned it so well that i managed to put some liquid in the external electric outlets.
    Of course once plugged again, the whole stuff short circuited
    It was late, i was alone, i weaseled out and just informed my supervisor by phone that the workbench refused to start again
    In the morning the technical support controled the thing. Fortunately, the liquid had dried in the meantime and fortunately too, it was only the safety leads that were broke
    Not the workbench itself
    Which spared me a long winded explanation about a 10 000 euros apparatus out ....


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    • #3
      I got hired as a mason to fix a hole in a concrete block wall inside an industrial facility. In front of the wall was this apparatus that workers had to disconnect first, which they did. They had left a pipe which connected the apparatus to a massive 16,000 litre liquid holding tank. Well shit, I thought. The pipe was still in my way, and I noticed it was on what I thought was some sort of swivel connection where it entered the tank. So I just grabbed it and pushed it up and outta my way. Lo and behold, the damn thing popped out of the tank, and out starts gushing pure liquid chlorine bleach.

      Of course it was noon so everyone (Including the plant supervisors) were off to lunch. After standing there in disbelief for a few moments watching this massive wave of bleach wash over my work station and disappear down a nearby drain, I debated whether to call the fire department's hazmat team or just try to find someone from the plant. The latter eventually occurred, but not before 12,000 litres of bleach had gushed out all over the place.

      Luckily the drain it all disappeared down led to some sort of containment area with a sump pump, so they were able to recover most of it and there was no environmental catastrophe. The fumes were something else though, and my new work pants got soaked/splattered with bleach pretty bad.

      A few months later, my wife was doing some laundry and noticed a little "do not bleach" tag at the back of my ruined pants. I could hear her laughing from two floors up.


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      • #4
        Ahem, a "friend" of mine....

        Dropped 16 1000lb HE bombs onto an airbase taxiway....
        Pierced the skin of a CBU with a forkilft tyne....
        ND'd a 9mm round 1 inch from the bosses foot....
        Wrote off a work pickup without a driving license....
        And somehow promotion after promotion...

        I assure you my friend is not that retarded anymore, he's bit older and wiser!

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        • #5
          Young PFC LD ripped the entire left rear quarterpanel off a M880 Truck late one day in December of 1982 (Still dont know how). No one in the motorpool and I was going on a months leave that night so parked it and ninja'ed my way back to the barracks, packed and left. Came back in January 83 and was told the sections truck was being written off and we were getting a New CUCV to replace it. When I asked why was told someone during Xmas Exodus had wrecked it.

          Damn Vandals...


          Another time a SFC borrowed money and gear (had one of My field jackets) from his section before going to ANCOC. he decided to not return any of it, ok...

          Poor fellow had a nice new Pickup truck and somehow a Thermite grenade was left on the hood sans pin one night

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          • #6
            Bonking a married woman in the disabled toilets at work - who was the wife of the boss. Repeatedly over several months. Got promoted.

            Young Kiwi in first computer stuff role decided to play around with that switch thing on the power supply of the brand new server as he had no idea why it was there. Plugged in the server. Hmmm, powers supply set to 110v is really noisy about demonstrating why it doesn't like 240v. Luckily for me they made things tough in those days. Called the supplier and said "it was like that when I found it". They gave me a new supply which I swapped over and everything just worked.

            Went to UK MoD site. Was really excited to see loads of cool stuff outside the office (Challengers and Warriors from recollection). Took out camera to take photos completely forgetting that inside the office was a TS zone. Boss who had come along for the trip noticed and damn near had steam coming out his ears.

            Same job, engaged in phone sex with GF completely forgetting that all phone lines were monitored (this was before mobile phones were common and besides which they were prohibited in the building). Got some weird looks from the security team for the rest of my time there I can tell you.

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            • #7
              Was doing a stock count accidentally counted the number of X4567898B-Pu as 17 when there was actually 16. Only discovered it when I was doing another stock count 3 years later.

              I fiddled the books to cover my ass.

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              • #8
                I got nuthin'.

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                • #9
                  Where to start...

                  Blown open a couple of safes - but one of those was on the job and I even got a commendation for it
                  Knocked out an RSM, drunk (me not him)
                  Bear hunting with an AK (okay an M70AB2), drunk
                  Stole a tank (just a small one) and hid it
                  Lifted the wrong guy on an arrest op (not our fault to be fair, bad int)
                  Told a visiting MP what I thought of the unit I was attached to (not much) and got a promotion out of it
                  Smuggled booze and bacon disguised as machine gun tripods


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                  • #10
                    I was around 20-ish, worked at a radio station, as a tone technician/producer of jingles n shit.....i don't even know what i was doing at that time, but somehow i managed to pull out a rather large cord which went from the final compressor straight into the antenna broadcasting the programme. The radio was off for idk must have been 15 mins.
                    Tech chief called me all panicky (he was a son of the previous guy in this position, rather insecure too) on what have i done. He was driving home, decided to listen to the radio (talk about brand loyalty LMAO) and discovered my error.
                    Next day meeting with owner where i got grilled about it.

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                    • #11
                      Got completely hammered.
                      ​Slept in until I had only 5 minutes left to get dressed and shaved.
                      ​Proceeded to lie about my status during roll-call (didn't say I was not fit for duty).
                      Didn't attend company morning formation & briefing, nor did I take part in literally anything we were doing that day. (I was puking my guts out from 0700-1100).

                      Then had UvD (Watch) so I avoided being discovered by my superiors.

                      ​Also, happens to be the last time I ever got that drunk.

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                      • #12
                        Not my story, but I know the guys first hand, so it's not a friend of a friend story.

                        They were plumbers on a job laying a pipe underground at a ladies house. She was out at the time and her annoying dog did not stop yapping.

                        One of the guys in frustration causally threw a metal tool in the dogs direction to scare it.

                        It directly struct the dogs head, killing it instantly.

                        They quickly finished the job, burying the dog in the pipes tunnel, covered with concrete, all before she got home.

                        A few days later they got a call from the lady asking if they had seen her dog.

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                        • #13
                          Me and Marketing head we once fucked up a campaign, we did a digital campaign at Mumbai airport with our product name error in one of the creative, however, we corrected it before the Top boss found out it was a real close call. We realized the error only after going live.

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                          • #14
                            That's horrible.

                            I was driving a van around a carpark (took people to and from it). Was circling the van around out of boredom and went to go around a 4WD that was parked where it shouldn't- it turned out to have a massive bullbar that was about 10cm thick that went around the corner of the front. Obviously I hit this (no pax in van, just me). So I got out and looked around and that steel monster didn't even have the politeness to retain my paint. So I reasoned that with no damage to the 4WD there was no point involving that guy and his probably small penis so I reported it to the company as I'd hit the bollards out the front, where there was thankfully no camera coverage (because I'd been sunning myself there previously). My boss believed it but the visiting boss from Aussie did not but that doesn't matter because she got demoted later I understand for taking a junket to NZ and losing them the site she was meant to fix and retain.

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                            • #15
                              I never get away with anything.

                              I guess it's because I always tell everyone when I screw up. I have noticed that people stop complaining much faster when someone states clearly "I fucked up this thing you are all complaining about" instead of blaming someone else and using whataboutism.

                              I probably have to do that again on Monday. My design was three weeks late which has the potential to screw up the project. What can I do, life is life. I simply lack the skill to do the current work load in the allotted time.

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